* Time for me to be selfish
"Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live." (Oscar Wilde) An amazing quote. For these past months, I have just felt that eople are so damn selfish - not in money, materials, or anything of the physical, but emotionally selfish. And it feels even worse when it is the one you most care about...
Grace can be defined as a favor rendered by one who need not do so; indulgence. To some, this is similar to the Zen practice of what means "Letting go." According to the writings, the Buddha attained enlightenment 2 500 years ago while in sitting meditation under a tree. The way to what people term "Nirvana" continues to be followed by many all over the world today. The Zen practice teaches one to clear their mind in order to lead to deep and peaceful insight into the nature of oneself and the world. Because most of time our preoccupations with words, thoughts, feelings, plans, frustration entangle us, it takes us away from the being the present moment, away from just seeing our being. Consequently, the practice of Zen involves meditation to bring us back to the moment, and back to ourselves.
What I realized is that letting go involves not only letting go of all the physical aspects of the world, but a simultaneous opening of the heart (and our emotions) that is often so defended and clenched; it means opening ourselves to accept whatever it is that we have been resisting; it means that letting go eventually transforms into just letting it be - finally allowing the way things actually are.
The irony of it all is that my middle name represents two abstractions: grace and wisdom. How appropriate, yet how very bizarre...
Someone also once wrote that "...there is an important difference between giving up and letting go." For me, I really believe it is time for me to stop holding onto you and everything about you, time for me to stop depending and clinging onto this hope.
"I'll close my eyes, then I won't see
The love you don't feel, when you're holding me
Morning will come, and I'll do what's right
Just give me till then to give up this fight
The love you don't feel, when you're holding me
Morning will come, and I'll do what's right
Just give me till then to give up this fight
And I will give up this fight
Cause I can't make you love me, if you don't
You can't make your heart feel, something it won't
Here in the dark, in these lonely hours,
I will lay down my heart, and I'll feel the powers
But you won't, no you won't
Cause I can't make you love me, if you don't
There's no use in me trying baby..."
You can't make your heart feel, something it won't
Here in the dark, in these lonely hours,
I will lay down my heart, and I'll feel the powers
But you won't, no you won't
Cause I can't make you love me, if you don't
There's no use in me trying baby..."
I do not need your INDECISION. You can go around pretending that it does not matter to you, but I know that underneath it all - your heart belongs to her. Maybe in a little while...but for now I'll make the decision for you.
I will not be missing the snow. Good-bye home and open arms to the warm beaches of California. Here I come!
posted by miss.chip @ 17:08
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